i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
