I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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