I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
