not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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