I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
