butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
