The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
