I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
