I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
