and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
