it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What a dumb baby whore.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
