I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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