'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
