have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
