Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
