fuck your aforementioned shoe
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
