Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
