are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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