If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
