it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
