I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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