Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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