This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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