We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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