Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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