There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
