I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
