my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
