omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
