Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
