I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were destined to go to rehab together
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
