We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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