It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
