the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
