Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
