He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
