that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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