I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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