I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
