I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
