I'm lost and stupid without you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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