That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
