Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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