We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
