explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
