just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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