i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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