sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
