Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
