just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
